Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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