Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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