I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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