I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
