WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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