I wish my penis had an off switch
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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