Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
