Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
