its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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