My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
