took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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