I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
