How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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