Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
