So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize