My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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