I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
