I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
