sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
