My liver just broke up with me...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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