just tell him i said nine months
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
