Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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