i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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