Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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