I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
