but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Too much gin, very little bucket
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
