I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
