so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
