hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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