the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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