Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
