its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
