3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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