Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize