the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
