wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
