The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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