you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
