Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
