so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
birth control should be required to get into college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
