I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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