I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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