Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
