sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize