also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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