my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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