i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
