he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
