If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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