I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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