hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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