we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
