Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
