Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
