dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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