I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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