About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
