im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
