I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
