Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
