my mouth tastes like poor choices
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
