I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
