Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
