You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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