You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
