ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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