Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
