with your own penis?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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