McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
