i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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