i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
