some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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