doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
