just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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