Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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