shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
