she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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