I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
