Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
