My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
