You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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