A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
