Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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