Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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