I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
