you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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