i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
