Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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