You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
