found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
