I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize