True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
