My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
