Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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